IUD Removal

After the girls were born, we knew we wanted to wait before having any more kids, if we had any more.  After a lot of research, I decided to try the Paraguard IUD.  I had used hormonal birth control before, and I didn't like it, and I'm super forgetful when it comes to remembering to take medication, so I thought this option would be great.  I generally don't have either a heavy period or cramps, so I wasn't overly concerned with those side effects.

I had the Paraguard for about a year.  Over that time, my periods got longer and heavier. I also started experiencing some serious cramping.  By the end, I was bleeding about 2 weeks out of the month, with very heavy flow, and I would cramp so badly I would spend at least one full day in bed.  With four small children, that just wasn't working.

While I was deciding what to do, several friends told me about their experience with the Mirena IUD.  The biggest draw seemed to be having no period, especially to me after having such heavy ones.  And no one seemed to have any negative side effects.   
I went ahead and got the Paraguard out and got the Mirena in.  Right off, it wasn't what I expected.  I continued to bleed for about 45 days straight, though it got progressively lighter. After that for about 6 months I had a regular (pre-kids) period every month.  Around May of this year, I stopped getting my period, or would have a couple irregular days of light spotting. About the same time, I started gaining a lot of weight, and my mood swings became terrible.  I'd have uncontrollable anger where I knew I was being irrational, but couldn't change the way I was feeling.  I was yelling at the kids and taking my frustration out on Dallas.  I gained about 25 pounds in 4 months, and weighed more than I ever had until the final trimesters of my pregnancies.

I finally decided enough was enough and went in the the base Women's Health Clinic.  I knew that hormones were out, as was the Paraguard.  Dallas was not open to a vasectomy, nor am I open to tubal ligation.  We don't like condoms.  So our options were very limited, I knew.  I had done my research and decided I wanted to try using a diaphragm. 

I went in to the clinic, and was surprised by the nurse's response.  I was told that all my issues could not possibly come from the Mirena, since the hormonal dosage was so minimal.  I was told that I should see behavioral health for my depression and mood swings, and that diaphragms were an archaic form of birth control.  But maybe some doctor would have a stash in the back of his storeroom, if I really wanted to try it.  I left there even more depressed, frustrated and unsure. 

So after a good cry, I went and looked up my symptoms on the internet and found that many other women were, in fact, having the same issues as I was.  I talked with the same women who had originally suggested the Mirena, and told then my concerns.  Several of them looked at me in shock and said they had started anti-depressants not long after having their IUDs placed, or noticed other major changes that they hasn't associated with their IUDs, but now were rethinking that.

I finally rebuilt my confidence enough to make an appointment with a different clinic, the Tucson Birth Center, to have the IUD removed and to be fitted for a diaphragm.  Since this is a birth center and is staffed by mid-wives, I assumed they would have a more accepting view that I understand my body and the changes in it since I had the IUD inserted.  Yet again, I was told that the hormones from the Mirena were minimal, and not likely to cause these effects I was experiencing.  And I was reminded numerous times of the failure rate of my chosen form of birth control.  Though not as forceful as the original nurse I saw on base, it seemed I was again being told that I couldn't possibly be having problems with this and want to change to something as old-fashioned as a diaphragm, could I?

I understand that the Mirena might not be the only cause of what's going on with my body (I actually had additional tests done last week), but to say that it can't possibly be effecting its silly.  Anything that messes with you're hormones is going to effect you.  I'm frustrated that there are women out there that have been bullied into believing they don't understand their bodies.  That have kept their IUDs and the emotional upheaval along with it, because they trust their mid-wife or their doctor.  Those same women who ended up on anti-depressants, or just felt they had to "live with it" rather than simply have their IUD taken out and allow their bodies to self-regulate. 

I'm not saying that IUDs don't work for anyone.  I have a friend with the Mirena who says it has helped to balance her problematic hormones.  That she is more stable in her moods now, and it has helped her with her polycystic ovary syndrome.  For her it's great.  But, I believe, that for a vast number of women, they will have side effects and if they dare to mention them to their doctor, they will be disregarded and not given real consideration.

And that is wrong! And this ends my rant

Losing My Envy

In May, we moved our family of six out of our 1904 square foot house and full time into a 200 square foot travel trailer. (25 feet long by 8 feet wide, if you were wondering.)  Our trailer isn't your traditional full-timing type of trailer, it's a toy hauler which tend to be on the spartan side, as they are usually meant more for weekend use than for long term living.  We've set it up with extra toddler-sized bunk beds under the queen bunk to sleep all of six of us reasonably comfortably.

We've been living in this since May, and it had been a while since I had last been in a "real" sticks-and-bricks house.  This last weekend, we were invited to Dallas's boss's house for a bar-b-que.  They have a very nice house, probably at least 2000 square feet, tall ceilings, a pool in the backyard, fine furniture and all the nice electronics, cars and a motorcycle, too!

A couple months ago, whenever I went to house that was nicer than mine, I always felt so envious that I didn't have all those nice things.  That somehow I was not measuring up to what I should have.  I measured myself against what others had and always seemed to come up short.  Admittedly, I had a very nice house, with lots of room and so many "toys", but when compared with what others seemed to have, I always felt lacking.  But this weekend, for the first time that I remember, I didn't feel this jealousy, this envy, this sense of lacking something when I went to a nicer house.  It made me realize that, for the first time in probably as long as I can remember, I am content.

Earlier that same day, Dallas and I had the chance to go on a date.  One of the things that we did was go to an RV dealership and look at some larger trailers.  There were some amazing trailers with price tags to match.  Then there was one that really caught our eye, a 31 foot Coleman bumper pull trailer.  It had three bunks in the back, an outside kitchen, and a queen bed in the front.  It had a large slide and a U-shaped dinette that would actually fit us all.  It was a 2011 and in nice condition.  It was priced around $23,000, which we could definitely manage with a loan.  Standing in the lot, Dallas and I were both very excited about this trailer.  We started imagining what it would be like to have the extra space, and what we could trade in to lower the loan we would have to take out for it.  But it never felt quite right.  I wasn't excited enough about this trailer to really do more than dream a little, and I kept coming back to the "cons" from out "pros and cons list".

Not long after we moved to the base FamCamp, another family with young kids moved in two spots down.  Koko and I became good friends and we ended up moving so we were right next to each other.  A couple weeks ago, they traded in their very new Class-C motorhome for and amazing 37 ft long, quad bunk 5th-wheel with four slides.  The thing is huge and nicely appointed.  It has the outside kitchen and three tvs, two bathrooms and with the two slides in the kids (separate!!) bedroom, there is plenty of storage and still a lot of room for the kids to play.  It doesn't even feel too crowded when my hoard descends, which is saying a lot!

Yesterday, as I was thinking about it, I realized I'm happy in my trailer.  When I go to Koko's trailer, I admire it.  When I go to other people's houses, I can see how nice they are.  But I no longer feel lacking when I see it.  I don't feel like that life is calling to me.  I feel like I've been set free from the expectations I used to have for myself.  Admittedly, in my trailer, I hate the kitchen, and the bathroom is tiny, and we are constantly being woken up by the kids.  But, all in all, I like the way we are living.  I know that eventually we are going to upgrade to a larger trailer or a bus conversion or something.  And I love to dream about that time.  But right now, I am happy with our tiny, utilitarian trailer, with the dirty carpet and the homemade bunk beds.  As frustrated as I get having to climb over and around the kids to get through the "hallway", and as messy as everything gets simply because there is too much stuff in too little space, I feel freer than I can ever remember being.  Free of the need to acquire more and better.  Free from having to keep up with the "Jones's".  I am free from envy... well, at least as far as houses are concerned ;)

RockSmith is AWESOME

A couple months ago, Dallas got a game for the PS3 where you can use a real guitar to play games and it actually teaches you how to play real songs on a real guitar.  While I've thought this was cool, I wasn't that interested.  I love that Dallas has had the boys playing, and Austin really seems to enjoy it. 
Well, I finally gave it a try this evening, and it is AWESOME.  And, surprisingly, I'm pretty good at it too.  I've always been pretty intimidated by the guitar for some reason and been hesitant to even try to learn.  But I kicked some serious tail!  Well, serious tail considering its my first time ever trying to play anything on the guitar.  I think I might even have impressed Dallas.  (At least he's nice enough to make me think so.)
The truth is I hate being bad at anything.  If I think I won't be perfect at something right off the bat, I usually don't even try.  Which its stupid and not something I want to pass on to my kids.  But I did it tonight, and I'm so glad I did.  RockSmith rocks!

Hello, My Name Is:

My stats:

Name: Riana
Marital status: Married for 9 years to Dallas
Kids: Austin - 6, Harrison - 4, Lily - 2, and Autumn - 2
Current town: Tucson, AZ

My reason for making this blog is to have a place where I can be truly honest and express myself as I learn whoI am, what I believe, and where I want to be in my life. 

This blog will not be focused on any one part of my life.  I will write about my husband and my marriage.  I will write about being a mom and my kids.  I will write about homeschooling and cooking and crafts and projects.  I will write about our travels and living in a travel trailer.  I will write about my beliefs.  I will write about my questions.  I will write about my challenges and my failures and hopefully my accomplishments as well.  The only unifying theme will be: it's about me.  So this blog will be an exercise in ego.

If you know me in person, some of the things I post here will probably be a shock.  Even those who know me well might learn something new, since this really is a way to work out WHO I am.  I am a work in progress. I am a contradiction.  What I say at one point, I might say the complete opposite in the very next post.  And I might firmly believe both positions.  One post might be super positive, the next negative.  I will rant and complain. I will compliment and rave.  I will question and I will blindly believe. 

This is a chance to be completely honest.  To discover.  To become.  Myself.

Starting Over

I recently discovered that I can post to blogger from my phone, so we're going to try again on this whole "blogging-thing".

Since I've been so inconsistent in the past, I figured I had better start all over, but if you want to check out my (very infrequently updated) previous blog, it's here. The reason I'm not just continuing that one, is... well, truth be told, I'm a perfectionist and a bit OCD.  Since so much has happened between the last post and now, I'd feel the need go back and post everything that has happened in chronological order, and then I'd forget stuff, and have to add it in, and then reorder... and on...  And really, that just doesn't sound like fun! SO!  I'm accepting that in myself, and starting fresh.

Here's to hope!